All I could see is just me lying in my bed and didn't know anything about who I am, where I stand, and what I'm looking for.
I see through the window. Something called people walking on the street in front of my house. Sometimes they see each other and take a little chat sometimes not. They went to whatever place I don't understand or I don't know.
I went down the stairs. I see my mom preparing breakfast for us, her family. She said, "guten morgen, girl" as what she always do since I was child. I take the breakfast, take a seat, start to eat, and tried to think about what I wanna do. But I really remember nothing.
Sh*t
I started to going stressed out. All I remember is just a jerk guy who said "I love you. Please stay with me because I can do nothing without you" two days ago, and yesterday morning he said that he has found his only one. A woman who always smile and made him feel warm and safe. She's not me, she's another woman. And something worse than those all are when a ganks I called them "my friend" said that "yeaa.. You better stay with her, buddy. She's better and more beautiful. Your ex is just a jerk"
Hell you all.
Almost 3 years I spent my days without remember anything and don't know what to do. Everything I choose for felt so wrong. It's undone and all people I met were just a jerks. They kick me off, stabbed me in the back, do bad, and everything like that. They really not a kind of people they used to be. My childhood teacher told me that people are good, there's love and hope between people, you need each other and you have to do socialize. Sh*t liars.
I trust nobody since that day. All I wanted is bring a knife and stabbed it to whoever who stab me first. If you're okay I'm gonna be okay too, but If you lite the fire you'll get burnt. My bestie said that I need to improve my trust issue. I can't live without trusting nobody. My boy left me because he said I don't trust him (which after I trust him fully he still left me too)
Maybe trust is doesn't mean I have to totally trust someone. Like giving them my all and being stupid at last. Maybe trust means I love somebody faithfully. Normally I should know which the trusted one and which is not. But maybe I'm not smart enough to know about that. I just could give my best by prepare the worst thing.
Pinterest said: keep dancing even it's going under such a big rain and storm.
